Audio: John Mayer - Why GeorgiaI was re-capping my old posts, when I came across some select quotes; basically pictures of my old self.
It's always a good reminder of how far you've went, because lately I've been feeling like a I had a whole load of growing up to do, and had done that, in such an accelerated pace I just feel like I want to keep track well (enough)
Now go ahead looking at my old posts now, I'm not ashamed of what views, standpoints or what amounts of vulgarities I used, because without them I don't think I'm half the person I am now.
Experience teaches best.
Anyway. Parental advisory, proceed with caution into calvintay's history.
I had one of the first blog-rants over my discipline teacher, but I can't really find the article, think it was on Multiply. Anyway, I recapped that in one of my first blog posts.
Background story is that she called me to help but I refused to go because, well... I was studying. (cheh-wah)
Being the arrogant person I was in high school I finally went after a few times and basically the conversation went like this:
pn chua: you are the most arrogant person I have ever met. How dare you disrespect me, and not come when I ask you to?
calvin: *keeps quiet, without any emotion on face, looks back at her directly, since I have nothing to fear, being innocent party..
pn. chua (after a HELL load of bullshit and me arguing back): *keeps quiet....
calvin: is that all teacher? (damn big balls leh?)
pn chua: get out of my room!
calvin: *obliges
(from this post)She insulted my mum okay. I somehow deserved to react that way. I didn't really like her, but all's forgiven, I topped high school and moved on.
Besides, she's Adrian Yong's mum. :P
Sorry Adrian I didn't like your mum. She was a TAD mean to me in high school. Heh.
Then there was my take on life and death, how God was around, but... well... when He was JUST around to me back then.
The mood in the air was a little solemn today, as Cheng Beng came and went, we remember the dead, and just yesterday night, I received news that Mavinthran of 5 Coklat year 2005 has just passed away in a motorcycle accident.
Condolences to his family, close buddies, and all BB-ians; former or current, alike. May he rest in peace
Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word:
-Luke 2:29-
Well, you don't go looking for death, it is he that finds you. Its a fragile thing, and 6 billion of us take it so much for granted, we don't see how it could end in a second. Unfortunately, I'm one of them as well, and the reason why I put this up is to remind me that what I've worked for all this time could just vanish, if He shall decide to call me to His side. Living life for the moment, quite important.
From
Of Death, Acceptance and Making Out in Public I had strong views on education... I thought I was on top of the world by being the second smartest person in school.
I can't really compare la, being the SMARTEST meant I needed to beat Joel Lim, who was... well...
nerdy heh. I can't say lah. *winks.
But this kinda encapsulates where my ego comes from. Hah!
In conclusion, to really stand out in SPM, you need what, eighteen A’s? (Last year some girl got 17A1’s). But that’s unfair. True geniuses DON’T WANT TO TAKE EXTRA SUBJECTS BECAUSE OF ITS IRRELAVANCE. They think smart, not just think hard.
Is this how Malaysia is going to throw away its TRUE potential, by sending rempits to Harvard via JPA matriculation?
STERN CONCLUSION: In my view, the reason why Malaysian primary and secondary education is inferior is because they teach students on methods to answer questions, and not the knowledge to answer the questions. Knowledge here is like second-string, behind the techniques of answering properly and what not. It shouldn't be that way.
Our higher education isn't that up to par either. Students from other countries go overseas to study because their grades are too low to enter local varsities... whereas in Malaysia, students go overseas because their grades are TOO HIGH to enter local varsities, which are deemed lesser than foreign institutions. Rightly so too, in my view.
(Here)I don't (really) think that way anymore, by the way. Haha!
Talking about ego, there was once in college where this guy was pissed off because I made noise in class and apparently he couldn't pay attention. Well. Backstory was because I did well and he doesn't do very well, so he's a BIT jealous.
Heh. See. I told you my ego was still here.
Anyway... so he wanted to whack me up. I wished him good luck. But at the process I freaked out Grace (at that time it was shortly after we broke up, so yeah, touchy times) and she was mad at me. I was mad at him.
And I ranted.
Gist of the situation is this. I'm the noisiest kid in class (by far) and I chill with the noisiest group as well. Hence together, we're pretty much a distraction to the class, which pretty much peeves lecturers and students off. Well, even individually I'm pretty distracting, but that's just who I am, I get to command an audience well, even if I don't want to. =P
Then you started poking fire at our chatter recently by asking me to shut up, twice, in class, with obscenities. And then you don't talk to me even if I try to be nice and say hi. And don't think I don't know you talk behind my back about me being egoistic and all that.
It's different if you asked/shouted in a playful manner, a friendly manner, but you didn't. So to hell with you.
...
Of course not, your results were pretty much crap, and you're angry about them. (Actually, I don't know the details of his results, but his face says it all.)
With your sucky results, of course, you start getting angry at yourself for being lazy, incompetent and ultimately for being stupid. (haha, can't help you there, buddy) However, different people take bad results differently.
I just look around me and I see plenty of strong individuals (you know who you are, and I'm proud to call you guys my good friends) who stand tall in face of adversity, accepting results like men (well, in metaphorical sense) and moving on headstrong, no matter how big a blow is it to them or their parents/families/university chances.
These are true smart people.
These guys around me, and everywhere else deserve respect so much more, if not as much as those who'd gained the straight A's and scholarships. These people are fighters.
But you.
What the (eff - edited here) do you do? You live in your (eff)ing denial. You first point the finger at the institution for not providing good enough lecturers/class conditions etc. Then you follow up and see that you can't concentrate in class due to our chatter, hence you blame us, and you blame me for your results.
It's not like I'm saying being noisy in class is good, it's not. oh God, I can't believe I typed that. However, we've always been like that. I've always been like that. You've known for a year, yet only NOW you choose to not like it and voice it? And shun us and give us your (eff)ed up attitude?
What was the catalyst of your sudden disdain?
Obviously, your own denial problems.
Look in the mirror and see who's the one really to blame. Yes, we are noisy in class, yet you never EVER take the initiative to work past that.
It's so much easier to change yourself than to impose change on your world.
And I daresay that because I'm not the one with the problem here, you are, so you change yourself. I'm fine wherever I am, no thank you.
From
Stupid.Love the teenage angst? Haha. Then there were those emo recaps of old days, old friends, old people... and the girls.
I had strong takes on Valentines:
Eff valentines lar. It's overrated. You pick someone, you ask her/him, and then shower her/him with gifts/cards.
Tsk. Calvin. Tsk.
(This was when I was watching OC and Tree Hill one episode after another.. heh and it was when Ryan was with Marissa and Lucas with Brooke Davis... I was using them as an example)
Oh my god, am I unable to actually fall for someone normal now that I've seen too much of these four?
And what to give as gifts? Cards? OC dvd's? Chocolates? Necklaces/Bracelets/Anklets/Whatever? Mascara/Manicure/Pedicure/Hairdos?
Maybe even 999 roses!!! Yeah, that would sweep ANYONE off their feet.
NO.
Not when your an emo-bitch, who is so busy overlooking himself and his stupid issues, that he can't stand for a moment and look at the huge amounts of possible valentines he could get...
or, couldn't get. yeah. that too.
Prove me wrong this valentine, eh ladies. =)
(From here)Oh, the ego comes up again. By the way... I am still big on giving jewellery to them special ones. =)
Of course there's always the girls. There was this time when I wanted to watch Gubra so much and... erm at that time I liked this woman.
Hi Yuennieee!!!
Nice picture right. Now be embarrased. Be REALLY embarassed. :P
I wanted to ask Yuen to go with me, since yeah, its good to watch this with company. But since she wants to see it with someone else, who has ALREADY seen it with someone else-else, I say screw it, I ain't waiting for a changed mind. You can go watch it on VCD if you want...
...So are you still coming with me for that movie, Yuen, or do I have to cry in a group?
Shit, I am a hopeless romantic. =P
(From here)Oooh, angsty. Haha!
Remember how I came over to college to hang out with you for one whole day and fetch you home and brought you that rose, and then as we walked to my car, the rose fell out of your bag, fell down, and its bud came off?
ROFL!!
Then in this article (I personally believe one of my best ever), written as I was a new person in Taylor's... I went from touching college towards relationships.
College, to me is an open field. You could run anywhere yet you may not even see, hit or encounter a thing. For me, I dislike feeling incompetent or insignificant to the world around me. College has been great, as it is becoming an average that as I walk by, there are people who I know who smile, acknowledge, shake hands and hug me. As I campaigned for Students Council; one flyer had two words on them...
Thanks Calvin,
written in black ballpoint, alongside the drawing of whiskers and cat ears. I'm yet to find out who drew it. An act of vandalism yes, but I took it and thus treasured it, because as little as it is, it's a sign that I have impacted their lives.
I loved the fact that someone wrote that on my campaign poster, I mean... I cherished it so much I kept it, and still do... until now. It's in my room in Malaysia. =)
Then I talked about girls.
Speaking of acquaintances, the opposite sex always comes to mind. Am I wrong to assess my options? Because that was what I was doing, as I got to know new people, and got closer to the old, once I returned to a co-ed environment for the first time in five years. The last time I was in a co-ed environment, it was more hide-and-seek, chase-here-chase-there, I-friend-you-I-don't-friend-you, I-hate-you-I-like-you, but now it's freaking Laguna Beach.
Yes, assessing options and all that sounds player, but all I want is someone who I know I can be with, and of course, who's ideally wanting to be with me as well. I'm not going to send my heart on a wild goose chase on one, and if all else fails/the relationship ends, I just set it on another target and guide myself like a heat-seeking missile.
Trust me, its not good being a heat-seeking missile.
So if there is anything wrong with option assessing, do tell me. The process sucks though, as you grow closer to one or another, you tend to find out things like, rated by most bang-in-the face to least bang-in-the-face;
would be that she isn't single,
or that she's interested in a friend,
or that she's a classmate (if you need to know why, you should)
or that she's interested in someone else,
or that she's being eyed by a friend,
or that she's being eyed by a senior,
or that she's being eyed by countless others, because she's so-called 'hot'.
At times, you may even come across situations where you forgo any glimmer of hope because of these situations, and then you grip on your lightly dissapointed heart from the palm of your outstretched hand, and rewrap it in readiness to give to someone else...
...I can't really. I just wanna look in your eyes and stuff like that. Then there's always songs that remind me of how beautiful you are, to me, and to everyone, and how much of a waste it is just because you either do not know, do not care, or can't help it.
From:
I Wanna Take You For Granted (I highly recommend if you wanna go history digging, that you read this first)
Yeah right. I WAS pretty much a heat-seeking missile at that point of time. I remember I was REALLY smitten over this awesome girl at that time, and now that I realise... one of the reasons she didn't move forward with me wasn't because she didn't like me back, but... well... I wasn't Christian (well, I was backslidden).
And she stayed strong and true to the unequally yoked principle, albeit me going after her with, well... all the charm/moves you can think of.
Including that prom-dance with balloons streaming down. (which was her first dance). Yeah. So I bore the grunt of that before. So trust me, I know how THAT feels, especially when it came to my view of church back then.
Stupidly I went and did the same thing, getting involved and then backing out like how she did after I came back to church. I guess that lesson took me twice to learn over, no? Hence double the appreciation to the strong character and faith she has. =)
She's REALLY awesome. I wonder where she went :P
Kidding!
Then there was Grace.
But the fun was kinda in the fact that we were keeping it low. It was really fun, sneaking around.
Its like I held her hand for a moment, and when one of my friends turn behind or say something, quickly let go.
Holding hands under the chairs of lecture halls so no one would see.
Taking the best of every moment alone around campus.
Paying such attention to one another, as we go out in a group... all that lah.
From here.Don't pay attention to the second last line of the quote thanks. :PThen this conversation during one of our MANY arguments:
Calvin: hey, you sleeping ah.
Grace: calvin...
yeah?
are you human?
urm, last time I checked... yeah.
calvin.
yeah?
you do notice that humans need to sleep.
(noticing the dumbassness of the situation) yeah, but last time I checked you don't sleep at one, right.
(noticing I'm damn dumb) I'm tired. so what is it?
oh, nolah, I figured I'd call and see if you're okay, cause I've been one hell of a jackass recently...
(laughs)
and I don't think I want to be the biggest jackass of your life...
(laughs) you're not; you're just the second biggest jackass of my life.
(laughs) right, but I think I'm pretty much the biggest cause he doesn't exactly fit in the comparison right?
(laughs) kinda... so I guess you're doing this so you could finally sleep well tonight?
pretty much.
you can go sleep now.
=)
From
The Biggest Jackass of Your LifeAnd then after Grace was BAK and the bad break involving what I believed in and what I had to back out of.
I can, I could. But could I? should I? Can I, can't I? But;
How could I?
Seriously oh God help me, how could I.
And there were these ones, posts regarding THE turning point for me.
PS: Thanks Joshua for hooking me up with your cell group for tonight's prayer meet. Major help, but as you already know, God always is, isn't He? =) And thanks Alvin for the fact that we were able to majorly stone at your place that late at night. Sorry for taking sleep hours though, I know we're all tired.
(From here)This was end 2006. The trend pretty much is, from that moment on... by God's grace. The rest is history they say!
Just one more fun note before I end.
This doesn't relate at all to any part of the post, it's just cause I found it random and amusing! :P
As I was searching for the last quote regarding Josh and the post... I realised I thought Ann-Nyee's name was Annie!! Hahaha! Guess I'm pretty much like all the Aussies who you first meet also right? :P
Then it was Annie (or is it Ani? Sorry, I don't know how to spell your name) and Aaron to the fore. Aaron was one of the guys I met joining Joshua's cell that Friday night.
Lol!
She sang Creed that day by the way.
Anyway. History recaps are fun. You may even find out small random facts I myself never knew about! Haha! :P
